You never know

What is going to happen in life, First Friday we headed out to my grandmothers house to visit with them which is two hours away so we planned to stay for one night. We had a good time and enjoyed getting to visit with all my family. Got back to the house late Saturday evening and preety much crashed Kevin and I were both exhausted. Early Sunday morning about eight or so a friend called to let us know that one of the sheriffs deputies that Kevin works with committed suicide in the night. He was only twenty nine years old and has a almost two year old, also he was engaged. Apparently he went out drinking with friends and some of his friends ended up fighting and he ended up arguing with his fiance and she kicked him out of the car. One of his friends went and picked him up and when they arrived at his fathers house and they were just sitting there talking and he shot himself in the head. Kevin is also a Sheriffs deputy with the same department but works in a different division but this is a small area so we all know each other. I used to work at the office and spent time working on the same shift with this deputy. It is so sad and hard to believe, such a nice laid back guy. I personally have been touched by suicide and the damage it does since my mom killed herself when I was younger. Death is hard no matter what but its even harder when you question if they thought about you and your feelings before they pulled the trigger.

Yesterday was a nice day not that warm as far as weather goes but not too bad, so I went out to try and read my bible and sit on my bench. Its funny where I started reading was the book Job. In all of his suffering in despair he kept insisting for his life to be over but God had such a different plan. I kept thinking of the deputy that shot himself how in despair without Christ in his life he had no hope, no will to carry on. And sometimes we lose this hope as Job did. Things belittle us and we itch and we squirm and forget God is still right there and he never leaves our sides. As I continued to read different people would write to Job to try and encourage him and speak to him in order to get him back to where he once was. God allowed this in Jobs life, so what is he allowing in my life or your life. For some reason this deputy lost all hope,he will be missed dearly by his family, friends, and child. Things happen in the blink of an eye, hold on to those you love and keep lifting them up even when it feels like they are not listening. It has put things into perspective for me this week as the things that usually bother me or that I complain about feel so peety. I am here I have the gift of life and while eternity will be so much greater and as Paul said to live is Christ but to die is gain. But at the same time I can hear the birds chirping and appreciate everything so much more. We will never know why people just give up and can't convince themselves that things will be ok but I think God keeps some answers hidden especially when the one question we want most answered is Why. All we know is his ways or not our ways and his thoughts not our thoughts. If you read this I just ask that even though you don't know them personally lift this deputies family and friends up in your thoughts and prayers. They have a long road, the friend that had to see this and saw one of the most horrific images in his entire life has a long road to get back to somewhat normal. He will live with that in his head for the rest of his life.