You never know

What is going to happen in life, First Friday we headed out to my grandmothers house to visit with them which is two hours away so we planned to stay for one night. We had a good time and enjoyed getting to visit with all my family. Got back to the house late Saturday evening and preety much crashed Kevin and I were both exhausted. Early Sunday morning about eight or so a friend called to let us know that one of the sheriffs deputies that Kevin works with committed suicide in the night. He was only twenty nine years old and has a almost two year old, also he was engaged. Apparently he went out drinking with friends and some of his friends ended up fighting and he ended up arguing with his fiance and she kicked him out of the car. One of his friends went and picked him up and when they arrived at his fathers house and they were just sitting there talking and he shot himself in the head. Kevin is also a Sheriffs deputy with the same department but works in a different division but this is a small area so we all know each other. I used to work at the office and spent time working on the same shift with this deputy. It is so sad and hard to believe, such a nice laid back guy. I personally have been touched by suicide and the damage it does since my mom killed herself when I was younger. Death is hard no matter what but its even harder when you question if they thought about you and your feelings before they pulled the trigger.

Yesterday was a nice day not that warm as far as weather goes but not too bad, so I went out to try and read my bible and sit on my bench. Its funny where I started reading was the book Job. In all of his suffering in despair he kept insisting for his life to be over but God had such a different plan. I kept thinking of the deputy that shot himself how in despair without Christ in his life he had no hope, no will to carry on. And sometimes we lose this hope as Job did. Things belittle us and we itch and we squirm and forget God is still right there and he never leaves our sides. As I continued to read different people would write to Job to try and encourage him and speak to him in order to get him back to where he once was. God allowed this in Jobs life, so what is he allowing in my life or your life. For some reason this deputy lost all hope,he will be missed dearly by his family, friends, and child. Things happen in the blink of an eye, hold on to those you love and keep lifting them up even when it feels like they are not listening. It has put things into perspective for me this week as the things that usually bother me or that I complain about feel so peety. I am here I have the gift of life and while eternity will be so much greater and as Paul said to live is Christ but to die is gain. But at the same time I can hear the birds chirping and appreciate everything so much more. We will never know why people just give up and can't convince themselves that things will be ok but I think God keeps some answers hidden especially when the one question we want most answered is Why. All we know is his ways or not our ways and his thoughts not our thoughts. If you read this I just ask that even though you don't know them personally lift this deputies family and friends up in your thoughts and prayers. They have a long road, the friend that had to see this and saw one of the most horrific images in his entire life has a long road to get back to somewhat normal. He will live with that in his head for the rest of his life.

Not an elephant but oh so impatient

Blah, thats kinda how I feel today,woke up kinda grumpy for some reason. Some days I really enjoy being pregnant and others I feel so stuck, I feel like I have been preparing for the baby part for almost 4 years basically as long as I have been trying to get pregnant and make our dreams come true. I feel selfish just saying all of this because I am not in pain, baby is healthy which I am so thankful for. Everyone tells me enjoy being pregnant because it is over way to fast and little ones grow up so fast. I am sure this is true and in a year or so I will be crying about the fact that my son is getting older. But right now I just cannot wait to meet him, its depressing and also a helpless feeling. He needs to keeping baking for at least 6 more weeks and I want the best for him but the waiting is starting to kill me. I am anxious about everything, about us both coming out healthy on the other side of delivery, I tend to worry about things to a ridiculous point. Like will I have a near death expierence during the delivery will the baby be ok and so on and so forth. In all of those worries I try to remind myself that God is in control and has a plan and when I worry I should give it all to him and relax about things.

I am just glad I am not an elephant, apparently they are pregnant for 22 months there is always something to put things into perspective huh?

This and That

Dear Diary,lol just kidding, honestly I have no idea where to start. Right now the slow moments are preety slow but life also feels like it is moving preety fast.

So for the updates
* 30 week appt was last and baby looked good, I measured on track this time but still have not gained much wieght so here is the fun part I have been prescribed a milk shake every other day, how will I ever survive? Well I think I can handle this, we will also do an ultrasound at the 32 week appt to check on Dillon and make sure he is gaining enough. I cannot wait to see my little man again.

* We got the nursery painted with the grass around the bottom only thing left to add is the clouds around the top which dh will do when he has the time.

* Baby shower is scheduled for this weekend basically just a community thing and mil and sil are invited to come. I am so excited and cannot wait to see what Dillon gets.

* My appointments are every two weeks now so I will be going back to the midwife on 3/23.

I believe that catches us up to today as far as the important issues go,hubby is home sick today with a sinus infection. I hope for his sake he starts feeling better although I am preety sure he will go back to work tomorrow unless something changes. They are preety short staffed at work right now so he will try to get back if he can. I am also praying I don't get sick because I am really looking forward to the baby shower this weekend. Other than that this week should be preety laid back, grocery shopping and paying bills thats whats on the agenda.

Picture Post

Once again web cam shot so I am partially in the pic sorry, but this is the crib, and the bumper pads mil made with the fabric I picked out. You cannot tell but it is planes and clouds

This is to show the color of the nursery wall(Taken by webcam so will have to use dhs cell phone to post a pic of the whole room)

This is of the sign I made for the nursery door

Time for an update, last week I had my gestastional diabetes test and twenty-eight week appointment. They called us back one by one so they could do a group of testing at one time. The doctors and nurses were standing around talking since it was early in the day and most of the patients weren't there yet. We walked passed the docs each one of us looking doomed oh but we march on. Chug on some nasty drink with enough sugar to keep every kid from here to california up all night. Kevin and I went back into the room to wait on the midwife for our appt. We ended up waiting for along time due to the midwife being at a delivery. The hour passed and the lab nurse came in to prick my finger for the gd test. Midwife came in a little later and said I failed the one hour glucose test, I was not very happy about this. Basically I would have to go to a local lab and do the three hour glucose test and confirm whether or not I have gestestional diabetes. Dillon's heartrate was good and everything was fine except I am measuring a little small. The midwife said that if I still measure small at the next appt they will do an ultrasound to check on things. That was that and now I go every two weeks so next appt scheduled for March 10th. Kevin and I were both starving afterward and went to eat at Longhorns it was no nice to sit and relax togather. I wanted to order the Bradley book for us to read to prepare for the birth so we were able to go to the bookstore and get that done. I feel like I have a mental checklist and I walk around trying to cross things off my list and May is coming up fast. Uneventful is the way to describe the rest of the week. I cleaned the soon to be nursery and prepared it for painting and we started painting on Saturday. We rode in to get another gallon of paint near the afternoon because one gallon was simply not enough. I fixed dinner while Kevin finished the painting. Even though we were exhausted we enjoyed a nice dinner togather and sat around for the rest of the evening. It took some bribing because Kevin was in a lazy mood on Sunday but we ended up getting to church. I don't blame him I was feeling lazy also but really would like to try to go to church on a more regular basis than a couple Sundays a month.

Another Week has come and I was up early on Monday in order to go do the 3hour test. So not looking foward to getting stuck 4 times. We got the test started around 8:15 one needle stick down three to go and chug the nasty orange drink again. I survived and found out on Tuesday afternoon that I passed the test I was so relieved. Grocery shopping on Thursday and relaxing today. Not to much on going on this weekend, I want to go to church which is first Sunday of the month and first Sunday lunch. I bought blueberries the other week so I would like to make some type of blueberry dessert for Sunday. I plan to find a recipe and hope to share it with you later.

Also I will do a picture post and post some pics of the painted nursery even though it is not completely painted.