Well I knew it would happen, my little tiny newborn is turning into a little man.He started crawling the other day and looks like such a big boy. Several of our family friends have announced they are pregnant so I was already a little emotional anyway,thinking about when it is time for number two. As happy as I am for others its hard not to be sad that I no longer have a little baby. I am so proud of Dillon he is clapping, crawling and learning so quickly so it makes me feel guilty but I cannot help it. My heart feels this way but my mind says I need my
gallbladder out, we barely make enough money as it is although we make ends meet, we have had a hard road this first year with all of
Dillons health problems.
So I will convince my heart to listen to my head. Sometimes I think maybe only having one to love and spoil is best but then there is a part of me that says your only young once don't leave this stage with regrets. Some of you reading this , say Catherine your only twenty three you have plenty of time and I would respond by saying yeah but Kevin is thirty one and wanted to have his first child by thirty. So add in our infertility and we are off of our timeline,but you cannot tell God your plans right? Anywho I know Kevin does not want to be having kids when he is in his forties,now I am back at square.
Ok how did you know that one little one was enough or two three...you get the picture.
Hi, I am your newest follower :)
ReplyDeleteI have some giveaways going on if you're interested, I am trying to boost the entries!! We Don't Have It All Together They are all listed at the top of my page...
Oh my you scared me at gall bladder. Just had mine out...it is not as easy as they say.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your first baby when #2 comes along he will never be the baby again. Being a big brother is a big job; I think he should at least be able to talk!
Then again we both know who is in charge...I would say do not try or not try and leave it in God's hands...take care of that gall bladder first :)
I am a new visitor and follower...
http://doreenmcgettigan.com
Hi Cat... liking your blog... found you through Raising Future Leaders...
ReplyDeleteI am a 47 year old mother of one step son whom I help raise since he was three, he is now 32 and a daddy of two.
During his younger years and in my twenties I lost six babies, the final two were eptopic pregnancies. I almost lost my own life with the first one, blood transfusion and horrible scar later, we got pregnant for the last time when I was 28.
Back then invetro was very new and no one knew the long term repercussions. Plus, my uterus had not been able to handle the first four pregnancies, so I wasn't a good candidate anyway.
By the time I was thirty two my step son was heading off to college and I was full of pain at the regret that we didn't adopt... my husband is almost ten years older than me and his famous line from back then was, "don't move the finish line!" Well I moved it we started down the adoption path he was in his forties and scared.
One day my sister who is six years younger than me, was career oriented and who had just broken off her engagement at the time, called and said, stop the adoption process I am coming to Florida and I am going to have a baby for you! Her reasoning was she could get the experience, the love but not the responsibility. She never wanted children and knew what a blessing it would be to me to heal my heart and soul, she felt it was a win, win.
After lots of counseling and months of fear- not only for the three of us, but for our extended family too, (my parents almost couldn't handle what a negative outcome would do to our family), we found ourselves pregnant.
We used artificial insemination and my sisters egg instead of mine because it was cheaper. It took two months and on the second try our little girl was growing inside my baby sister.
I won't tell you it was easy, that it went smoothly, as they say nothing is perfect... but I will say it was the greatest gift, when they handed my little girl me. I felt so humbled and blessed by the perfectness of the gift- one in which I could never repay to my sister! Today, she get a pass on anything she does that upset me and know it! LOL...
As the years went by I poured my life into my daughter... sometimes that is a gift to her, sometimes a burden. You see I now know my purpose and my work on this planet all centers around children, especially other people's children, this is the deep gift of knowledge that came through the pain of loss and infertility.
Adopting other children is a constant conversation that never saw fruition because of money. :-(
Today my daughter is almost fifteen, and as she likes to say, "only three more summers, three more holiday's then she is off to college I go!"
Walking in the world these days I find myself with a heavy regret, as does she... we both wish we had more children in our life. If I could go back I wouldn't let $$ stop us.
My husband on the other hand is OK, he has always been a one kid at a time kind of guy and is one of the best dads I know! He's a content man full of joy for the family we have. So I hang my heart on his contentedness most days...
But I will tell you not to let money be the reason for only one child in your life, it's not a good enough one to heal your heart in the future.
Also, today there are a few church's and organizations out there that will help families raise the money for adoption.
All the best to you and your little family of three!
~~Patti,
Stop by: Patti's Homeschool Mentoring
New follower, your little guy Dillon is a cutie!
ReplyDeleteI struggled with infertility for 3 years and now have a very handsome 2 yr old son. I know how great it feels to FINALLY "feel" like a mommy! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower, and I'd love it if you could stop by my blog: "Single Mom Says..." and while you're there, please enter my SURprize Giveaway.